19 weeks...

Dear baby,

Week 19 and almost half way done! Whew. I still can't believe it.
I am terrified. Absolutely terrified. Daily i do something(s) and I stop and think to myself,
"Crap. That is not going to make me a very good mother. I better fix that about myself." I am probably just being way too hard on myself but I want to be a wonderful mother and I don't feel like the person I am right now  is going to help to be the mother I want to be.
The good thing is that we can do a lot of learning together. You can learn new things about being in this world while I learn and adapt to being a mother.
I have been waiting for the opportunity to be a mother all my life but now that it is actually happening I feel like I am not ready. I need to be more for you and Steven and for myself. Good thing that you have some wonderful Grandmas, aunts and many others who love you that can help me mother you! What would I do without them?
I love thinking about you and the person that you are going to be. It's amazing how much we already love you.
Today we have another Dr.'s appointment! I can feel little movements from you but my mom said that it is just gas... I beg to differ. No one else can feel you yet when they put their hands to my stomach , but soon! I can't wait for your dad to be able to feel your little movements! Today at the Dr.'s appointment we are going to schedule another ultra sound! Everyone tells me that this ultra sound is "the fun one." In this ultra sound you are going to be measured in great detail to see how you are progressing (and we get to see if you still have little boy parts). 
Well baby, take care in there. We love you always!