My Little Outdoors Man

My dearest, most darling, cutest baby in the whole wide world...

A couple weeks ago I took you on your first hike ever. We went with Ken and Madison. Wanna know how good you were? Well, you fell asleep in your pack. Told you that you are a great baby. 

Matching glasses? Yes please!

I forgot your hat. This is the best I could come up with. 

After getting out of the pack after you fell asleep.

This is the face you gave me for a good five minutes straight. You crack me up!

It's already been a year.

About one year ago I found out some... surprising news. I, Emily Zoe Hale, had a baby living inside of me. Those first few MONTHS were rough. I was experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. We had plans. Plans that did not involve expanding our family until a littler later in life. I was still a baby myself (or so I felt). I was not ready for the responsibility of motherhood. One day I would be really excited, and the next scared and confused. One thing was for sure though, this baby was coming. So, I prayed. I prayed a lot.

Steven and me at my Birthday party last year.
 Little did I know that at that very moment I had a Winston growing inside me. 

I have heard many people say that they love their baby as soon as they hear the heart beat (this was true for Steven) or they have another experience where they feel love for their baby rush over them all at one moment while the baby is still residing in the belly. This was not the case with me. And that scared me. I think that I was too wrapped up in my own thoughts to let myself enjoy what was happening. I wanted to feel that instant love, that moment where my love for him rushed over me. Instead it came little by little. Everyday my love for him would grow a little more, even if I did not realize it was happening until one day I realized that my love for him had surpassed any other emotion I had ever felt before.
Early in my pregnancy I began thinking of those who try and try for babies and are not able to have children of their own. I was  horrified by the attitude I had towards the whole ordeal. I began to see the pregnancy and this baby as the greatest blessing we could have, even though it did not fit into our plan at the time.
When he was born it felt so natural. Being his mother and loving him came easier than I could have imagined.
Now that he is here I still have roller coaster days. And I probably will all of my mothering life. But, it's different now. Sometimes thinking about his future makes me excited and I can't wait to see the kind of man he will become, and other times I want to freeze him the way he is and never let him grow up.
This experience has helped to strengthen my testimony. I realize that I don't always know what is best for me. Heavenly Father has his own plan for all of us. He knows what we need at all times. Motherhood has brought me my greatest joys. He knew that this was an experience I needed at this time. I am so eternally grateful for the opportunity that I have to be Winston's mother.

My Turn!

Last year on Mothers day I had no idea that I had a little boy growing inside me. That is so strange to think about... It was not until the Thursday after mothers day that I found out that I was pregnant. It was a surprise and I was terrified. (read about the day by clicking here)
It's hard to believe that my life has changed so drastically in just one year. I would not have it any other way.
Motherhood has changed me in ways and fulfilled me in ways that I would have never expected.
A friend and I were talking about how much we loved our babies the other day. I honestly feel like no one could possibly love their child as much as I love mine... obviously it's not true. But that does not change how I feel.

I am so excited that it's my turn to celebrate mothers day this year.
I am so thankful for my little boy who makes me so happy every single day. I may not be the best mom or wife in the world (not. even. close.) but I love my boys with all my heart and I would literally do anything for them. They are my world.

Also, I can't write a mothers day post without mentioning my own mom.
I love you mom! I am so lucky to have a mom like you. You helped me more than anyone else during my whole pregnancy and you help me with something almost everyday. You are ALWAYS there for me. My favorite thing is when you call and ask me if Winstion misses you, even though you see him 1-3 every week.

At my baby shower. 5 days AFTER Winston was born.

You are such a cute and wonderful grandma and Winston is so lucky to have you. I truly cherish our relationship. You have become one of my best friends and you have helped me become the mother that I am. I look up to you so much. Thank you for all that you have done and currently do for me. I
Love you mom!